A doglife

I'm so tired of being treated like this. Why do I always have to wait until you wake up before I can go out to do my business? It's bloody horrible to walk around with two litres of urine in the bladder, while trying to tighten the anus desperately to prevent shit from coming out. And if I, for some reason, can't keep it inside and happen to spread it all over your brand new carpet, you go bloody nuts. Be honest here; could you live with expectations and demands like these? It's hell.

Oh, and the food. I'm so tired of eating the same food day in and day out. It doesn't taste very good, you know. It doesn't get any better when I see you carrying in bags filled to the rim with all kinds of delicatesses. *Drool* Where do you actually get your food from? Is there any magic involved in the whole process? This is one thing I've never understood. I think you and your kind are wizards. You can fill a fridge with food in a flash. Everything from chocolate pudding, steaks, sausages, chicken to beer and fine wines. Why then, do I have to settle for this crap? Canned delicatesses. Give me a friggin' break. It can hardly be called delicious. It tastes like crap, no matter how "jaw-droppingly awesome" the text on the can claims it to be. Sure you give me leftovers every now and then, but I want more. You can't just give me a taste of heaven for then to give me canned crap the next day. It's a grave injustice. How come you can sit there and devour juicy steaks and flush it all down with a cold beer, when I have to perform tricks just to get a bloody dog cookie. Yummy (sarcasm). Life seems so unfair.

You have no idea how limited my life is. You can go wherever you want to go. And if you are too lazy to walk, you can choose from a range of different ways to get to your wanted destination; you can use your bicycle, you can take a cab, you can drive, in extreme cases you can even cross continents in a matter of hours by using an airplane. The whole world is your playground. My playground, however, is this little apartment. This is where I spend most of my life. Sometimes you spoil me with the occassional walks in the nearby forest or the hike we do once every year. That's the few times I feel I live. I want to go outside to play. I want to taste beer and hit on drunk bitches in the bar. I want to know how it is to be human. Even if just for one day.